chapter one: BEGINNING THE JOURNEY

We are dreamers. We see ourselves not as we are but as we could be. In the quiet moments, in the calm depths of our inner worlds, we glimpse this phantom, this better version of ourselves. It’s a vision, a dream, a longing to be more, to love deeper, and to live a fuller life. We reimagine ourselves stronger, wiser, and kinder. To imagine this self is to claim our birthright, to step into the fullness of our being. It is to step out of the shadows and embrace the light, to realize the power of our imagination in shaping our future.

We are not limited to who we are now. We can be more than we are, like a seed beneath the snow dreaming of spring, a tiny flame igniting in the dark, a silent pool reflecting the moon’s glowing reassurance. We dream a dream, a whisper in the night, a flicker of possibility, a spark of light. It’s time for all of us to finally become who we already know we can be, and in so doing, the world will never be the same. So, let’s begin the journey.

How can we discover our true path to flourishing in a world filled with so many distractions and competing voices? In moments of silence and stillness, we hear our most authentic voice. In quiet contemplation, we gain clarity about our path, the choices we must make, and the actions we need to take. It involves shedding masks and expectations, dancing to the music of your own heart, and finding joy in expressing your true self. It’s about finding your voice, writing your own lyrics, and singing your own song.

It is to awaken each morning with a sense of wonder, like a child gazing upon the world for the first time. To open your eyes to the beauty that surrounds you, from the bluebird weaving its nest to the breathtaking expanse of a starlit sky. Learning to see the extraordinary in the ordinary and recognize the sacred in the mundane. Listen to the quiet whispers of your heart, guiding you toward compassion, love, and the work that only you can do.

Living your best life is a choice. It involves waking up each day with intention, gratitude, and a commitment to living in alignment with your values. It’s about embracing challenges, learning from mistakes, and continuing to move forward. It’s a choice to love yourself, to love others, and to love the world.

It’s in the choosing that we create our destiny. Our lives are shaped by daily decisions and small actions. By committing to our growth and evolution, we open up the possibility of a life filled with meaning, purpose, and love.

You have already changed your life for the better in many small ways. Think about it. These are the small miracles, the tiny triumphs, the quiet victories that mark our days. These are the ways we change, grow, and become more fully ourselves. The little, quiet ways we alter the course of our own lives, one clean window, one tree planted, one small act at a time. You’ve done it before, and you can do it again.

And though the mountains may not have yet moved, the ground beneath your feet is no longer the same. These slight, almost invisible shifts, a cascade of tiny revolutions, prove that even in the smallest gestures, we can remake ourselves.

But we all would admit that we’re not there yet. We’re not yet fully the people we want to be. All of us still have greater heights to climb. The path, though unseen, is always there, winding upwards through the mists of doubt toward the sunlit peak of our potential. This journey of constant growth and transformation is the work of a lifetime, involving the shedding of identities we believed to be our final form. So, breathe deep the thin air and feel the electricity of the heights calling you onward.

Try not to be deceived by the illusion of limitations or the whispers of doubt seeking to hold you back. The mountains beckon you still, their peaks shrouded in a veil of mist, promising breathtaking views for those who dare to climb. We will put one foot in front of the other and ascend together.

What wisdom have you acquired in living your life that you want to make a part of your daily life experience? What books have you read that taught you things you’ll never forget? Maybe you want to be present in every moment, to savor the beauty of the world around you, and to appreciate the people in your life. You may want to live with intention and purpose. To love without reservation, with an open heart that knows no bounds. To overcome fear. And to let go of anger. To stop repeating patterns that don’t serve you. To get unstuck. To fully be yourself. To finally be free.

Wisdom is the quiet knowing gleaned from a thousand sunrises, the understanding etched in the lines of your hands, and the intuitive whisper that guides your heart. It’s the sum of all you’ve seen and felt, all you’ve loved and lost, all you’ve learned and forgotten, distilled into hopeful aspirations that resonate deeply within your heart and mind.

What is it that you know about the world and about yourself that you want to have at the ready to guide your steps? Right now, perhaps this knowing is nothing more than a beacon in the fog, a guiding star in the darkest night, or a gentle hand on your shoulder. But you want it to be a part of you.

You want to make this wisdom an element of your everyday routine, to carry it with you like a magic amulet, and to let it guide you in your thoughts, words, and actions. You want to carry it with you in every breath, in every step, in every heartbeat, and let it shape your days, your interactions, and even your very being. A quiet voice that says, “this way,” even when the path is shrouded in mist.

We often struggle to fully act on what we know in life. Many of us know what we should do deep down in our hearts and minds. We also realize instinctively that knowing and understanding are not enough. One must be, and one must do. But the weight of the world, the fear and the doubt, they hold us back, they keep us bound.

We long to break free, to spread our wings, to soar above the mundane. Yet, we often settle for what is safe and known: the comfortable, the familiar, the ordinary. We build walls where we should build bridges. And so we drift through life, caught in the undertow, watching the dreams we once cherished fade away, maybe even disappear.

The knowing sits in our hearts, a quiet ache, a yearning for the path not taken. But sometimes, a spark ignites: a flame of hope, a flicker of light, like a single firefly against the dark of night. It reminds us of the dreams we left behind, of the lives we might have lived if we had dared. And then, we make a choice: a leap of faith, a step into the unknown. We leave behind the safe and the familiar and begin to embrace what our lives could become.

So, how do we make the changes happen? The world doesn’t change with a sigh and a wish. No, it’s the small, deliberate acts, the daily tending of our inner garden. It’s the weeding out of old habits, the thorns of negativity, and the bitter roots of resentment. It’s planting seeds of kindness, forgiveness, and courage and then patiently watering them with effort and self-compassion.

The power to change lies within us, dormant and waiting to be awakened. The revolution starts in the quiet corners of the heart. It may start small, one gentle step, one brave choice, one whispered prayer at a time.

It happens in the inhale, the space between the thought and the spoken word, where a different choice patiently waits to be invited in: a loosening of the grip, a softening of the gaze, the slow, deliberate unfurling of a fist to an open palm.

Opportunities for change will always present themselves to you. They will come silently, unexpectedly, and without fanfare. They will arrive on your doorstep unannounced and beg to be let in. The sun, each morning, is a chance to begin again, to turn your face towards the light. Maybe it’s a whisper in the wind, a sudden urge to turn left instead of right, a stranger’s smile, a book falling off a shelf, or the lyrics of a song hitting you just right.

Change is the one constant. And, as long as we’re alive, there is always time. Always a chance to begin again. Don’t you know the world is always offering itself to you? A thousand chances to turn, to shift, and become a new version of yourself. The choice will be yours to seize the opportunity or let it slip away in the distractions of the moment.

Distractions rise like flocks of starlings, a whirlwind of wings against the quiet canvas of the sky. The distractions will come like relentless and persistent waves crashing against the shore. But within you, there is a stillness, a quiet depth, that the waves cannot touch.

Can you withstand the world’s tug, its clamoring voices, and ceaseless demands? Can you sway with the wind and bend but not break, all while the world is barking at your door? Can you change? Can you find the necessary stillness within the storm, the quiet eye of the hurricane? How deeply do you yearn for the serenity of a mountain lake, reflecting only the vastness of the sky, unmoved by the distant tremors of the world? How will you get there?

Some will say that people can’t change. But change, you see, is the very breath of life, the pulse that beats in every creature, the whisper of possibility that stirs within us all. What we need are actionable steps.

Repeat after me: “I have the power to be the person I want to be. I have the power to change. Despite what anyone might say. Despite the doubters and the naysayers.”

Don’t listen to those who say we cannot change. They’ve forgotten the miracle of their own evolution and the countless transformations that have brought them to this moment. Listen instead to the whispers of your own heart, the yearnings of your spirit, the call to become more fully yourself.

Have they not witnessed the caterpillar, wrapped in its silken shroud, emerging transformed with wings shimmering in newfound freedom? Have they not witnessed the barren field burst forth in a sea of flowers after a long winter’s sleep?

You are not a fixed point in the universe but a swirling cloud of stardust, forever evolving, forever expanding, forever reaching for the light. Believe in the power of your own metamorphosis. Embrace the unknown, shed the old skin, and unfurl your new wings.

The world is ready to witness your transformation, to celebrate the magnificent creature you will become. Within you lies the power to rewrite your story, reshape your destiny, and become the masterpiece you were always meant to be.

I wanted to change too. This book started a long time ago because I was always repeating habits, sabotaging myself, stepping on my own progress, getting distracted, forgetting who I wanted to be or remembering too late. Often remembering only in regret. So, I began searching for a more effective way to remember what I wanted to change and who I wanted to be. I wanted to see my regrets coming before they arrived. Like seeing the future so I could change it before it happens.

I wanted to remember who I wanted to be effortlessly, as the body remembers how to breathe, how the heart remembers its rhythm without a single conscious thought, without effort, without rehearsal.

I wanted to remember as the river remembers its path, the moon remembers its cycles, and the tree remembers how to reach for the light. The falcon doesn’t struggle to remember how to fly. It simply lifts off, and the sky remembers for it.

I wanted to remember the way the wind knows the curve of the hill, like the creek remembers its way through stone, the sparrow its small song, the earth its turning. Remember, not as the mind commands, but as the heart remembers love in every beat.

I believe I’ve found a straightforward, easy, intuitive way to cut through the distractions and overcome the habits that once prevented me from being the person I wanted to be. I’m going to share with you how to remember what’s essential in the moment when you need it most and not forget. This is how we change. This is how we live as the person we long to be.

We’re all creatures of habit, forever asking, “Why is it so hard to break a habit?” The well-worn path and familiar rhythm create a powerful mental connection, like a vine entwined around the trunk of an ancient oak. Nourished by routine and repetition, this vine roots itself deeply, making it challenging to break free.

Even as it starts to suffocate the oak, its grip remains firm. What was once a source of comfort has become a burden, weighing us down. Yet, we still cling to it, held back by the fear of the unknown and the unfamiliar territory beyond. This fear of change keeps us anchored to old habits that may no longer serve us. Ultimately, it is a battle between the familiar and the unknown, the comfortable and the uncomfortable, reminding us that growth often lies just beyond our comfort zone.

Even if we’re not afraid to change, motivation alone doesn’t seem to work that well. Inspiration fades. Imagine someone’s proverbial New Year’s resolution. It’s evidence that motivation is not self-sustaining. It comes and goes. The calendar pages turn. The gym bag gathers dust. The kale wilts in the crisper drawer. The changes we tried to make didn’t last. Life, with its insistent demands and familiar comforts, resumes its flow. Or maybe that motivational speaker we saw at TEDx got us fired up. But then, for some reason, the words fade from memory, and the fire dwindles to a flicker and may even go out. And we’re back to our well-trodden path.

This well-trodden path, not only on the earth but also within our being, creates a groove of forgetting of what it means to choose for ourselves, to choose something new, to step off the familiar trail, to step over the edge, and into the unknown.

What we really want is for our thoughts and behaviors to match our intentions, unburdened by habit. We are creatures of intention, dreaming beings lost in the cosmos. But often, there is a gap, perhaps a chasm, between what we think, what we do, and what we meant to do.

Oh, the yearning for the seamless flow of intention into action. We strive for continuity between intention and action, where the compass of our values guides the ship of our behavior. Where everything we do is imbued with meaning. We want to move through the world with the clarity of a single purpose. We want to navigate the world with the grace of an eagle, our spirits soaring, our footsteps leaving a trail of beauty and truth, and to become the reflection of our noblest intentions. To find, again and again, the path through the wilderness, to feel the ground beneath our feet, and to trust that, even if we stumble or fall, we are still moving, still evolving, and making our way towards the wholeness we deeply desire. Fully belonging to ourselves.

If we are to align our thoughts and behaviors with our intentions, we need a way to remember what’s essential in the moment, during the critical instant between stimulus and response. It’s a very small window of opportunity.

You’ve probably seen a big-league baseball player up at the plate. He gets a fastball, and it blows right by him. Life can be like that. It’s like trying to hit a major-league fastball. You blink, and the ball is already in the glove.

Another opportunity missed to be your best self, the person you desperately want to be. Oops, I did it again. I overreacted again. I forgot again. I betrayed myself again. I am repeating thoughts and behaviors and patterns and cycles.

Okay, full stop. Enough. We’re going to remedy that. We’re going to fix it. Together.

We are creatures of both impulse and intention. The world throws stimuli our way with the reckless abandon of a child flinging confetti. A harsh word, a delay, a sudden loss, an unexpected turn of events – all conspire to evoke a reaction, a ripple in the pond of our being. We’re thrown off our game. And, once again, we forget in that moment who we want to be. But within us lies the power to choose, the magnificent capacity to transform unplanned reaction into measured response. To transcend the heat of the moment.

The space between stimulus and response is a battlefield, where instinct and reason, impulse and intention, clash and coalesce. We may choose to be swept away by the flood of emotions, to react with anger, with fear, with overreaction, or with retreat. Or we may step into the space between, to envision, to consider, and to respond with the strength of our character, the wisdom of our hearts.

The space between is a fleeting moment, like a butterfly alighting upon a flower or a shooting star streaking across the night sky. In this sacred space, we confront our fears and make our most profound choices. We choose to love or hate, to create or destroy, to embrace life or to succumb to despair. We get to choose courage over fear. We become heroes or villains, saints or sinners, poets or paupers. We write our own stories, with each decision a chapter, each intention a paragraph, and each impulse or choice a sentence.

Here, we can choose compassion over anger, forgiveness over resentment, and understanding over judgment. We can summon the strength to rise above petty squabbles and fleeting frustrations. We can cultivate the wisdom to see beyond the immediate and respond with a view to the grander design.

In this space, we find freedom. Let us claim the space between and, in doing so, claim the power to choose, to grow, and to be free. Let us live each moment so that we won’t regret it in the next.

Habits emerge from our tendency to forget. Much of what we do is based on impulse rather than thought. As our minds slip into autopilot, we follow the familiar routines and well-worn grooves we have created over time. These deeply ingrained patterns of reaction not only define our behaviors, but also significantly influence how we respond to the world around us.

We forget to notice things: the beauty of a sunrise, the scent of rain, or the touch of a loved one. We forget to breathe, to feel, and to truly live. And so, we become trapped in the cycle of habit, bound by the chains of the past, unable to break free or to be who we truly are.

But there is a way out, a path to freedom. It begins with remembering. We must awaken from the dream of habit, see the world with fresh eyes, feel the breath in our lungs, and live fully in the present moment. It’s about remembering who you are deep in your bones, beyond the masks, the roles, the expectations, and the fears. It’s recalling a child who dreamt of stars, danced under the moon, and saw the world with wonder.

It’s remembering what you love and what makes your heart sing. It’s holding onto your hopes and dreams. It’s also recognizing that you are not alone, you are supported by the universe, and you are worthy of love and happiness. But most importantly, it’s about remembering who you want to be.

We want to change and then be able to hold onto that change through all of life’s highs and lows and inevitable stormy weather, even when the world’s distractions threaten to blow us off course.

When we learn to remember who we are and who we want to be, habits will fall away like leaves in autumn, and we will be free to be ourselves, to dance in the rain, to sing at the top of our lungs, and to bask in the beauty of living authentically, a life of joy and wonder. This freedom is not a place you arrive at but the wind in your hair as you walk the untrodden path, the path that unfolds with every courageous step.

The biggest obstacle to having what you want and being who you want to be is remembering the real you in those crucial, fleeting moments between stimulus and response. We get lost in the noise of the world, and we forget who we want to be. But it doesn’t have to be this way. Say to yourself, “I must do whatever I can to not forget in this moment what I know about the real me, so hard-won and so beautiful.”

You’ll soon realize that remembering who you want to be is the key to everything. You can change the trajectory of your entire life. Take your life in a new direction. Be the person you know you can be. You can change your life and hold onto that change. When you remember who you want to be in the space between stimulus and response, the obstacles of habit and reaction will dissolve before your eyes, and you’ll find yourself free to be who you are, to pursue what you love, and to live an amazing life.

Before we learn a new way to remember who we want to be in the moments when it matters most, let me briefly touch on an important idea we’ll need along the way. It’s the concept of parallels. You’ll see why it’s so important as we continue.